Oct 12, 2020
We’re going to have a wedding! My oldest daughter and her boyfriend got engaged on Friday. When Matt called us a month ago to let us know he was going to propose, I cried. “She’s the one” he told us. I was sworn to secrecy and its officially been the longest month of my life. I feel so happy.
Then, Sunday another daughter called to tell me her boyfriend had broken up with her. We both cried. She wanted him to be the one. I wanted him to be the one. I feel so sad.
Tomorrow I’m teaching a class on how to feel better about your relationships in order to enjoy the Holidays more. I can’t help but notice the irony of the timing with my daughters and the two extremes the relationships have come to. Each relationship has a life. Some live longer than others.
But consider this: Relationships depend on the thoughts we have about others. More than the amount of time we spend with them, how much we have in common, or how long we have known them, our relationships are built on the thoughts we have within that relationship. In that case, they continue as long as we have thoughts about any given person.
Even though their relationship has come to completion, my newly-single and admittedly sad daughter remarked about what a good man her “ex” is. She expressed only kind things about him. Imagine how these thoughts, even while she is hurting, will help her move forward. If she were ranting about how he had done her wrong and suddenly what a jerk he is, she would be stifling her ability to move past the hurt. She would be cutting her wounds deeper rather than allowing them time to heal.
All because of her thoughts.
Specifically, relationships depend on the thoughts we have in these areas:
1. What you think they think of you
2. What you think of them.
3. What you think of you in relation to them
I believe I still have a relationship with my Dad, even though he has passed away. Does it fit the above outline? Let’s check…
1. I KNOW he loved me.
2. I still think about him all the time. I picture him in Heaven with his parents and siblings and I think of the fun, aggravating, and tender memories we had together.
3. I believe he was the perfect Dad for me. I didn’t always believe this. At times I just knew I he could have been a better Dad. Depending on which beliefs I was living from, my interactions with him matched.
Clearly, our relationship is very much alive, even though he is not.
Thoughts then actually ARE the life of a relationship. Sometimes those thoughts are sad and painful. Sometimes those thoughts are exciting and joyful.
Just like life itself.
P.S. By the time you’re reading this you may have missed my online class “Mend Relationships in time for the Holidays.” If you’d like to be one of the first to know about an upcoming class or webinar, get on my email list. I always send a personal invite to my email friends. Join Here http://eepurl.com/hcygPX