Jan 10, 2021
For 8 years I was house-hungry.
At some point during each of those years I cycled through a pity-party-tantrum of life isn’t fair, I hate renting, my life sucks.
The recession of 2007 hit exactly as my husband was switching jobs and we moved from Colorado Springs to Grand Junction, Colorado. We were unable to sell our 2.5 year old house. The one I thought we’d be in forever.
Long story short, we filed for bankruptcy in 2012. We lived in 3 different rental houses during those 8 house-hungry years. I tried to decorate and make each of them feel like home, but the truth was, I HATED renting and no matter how cute I made that rental house, in my heart it wasn’t ours and I could only reach a certain (low) level of happiness.
One particularly bad spell of a tantrum, I went to bed in tears. With kids in college and impending weddings, I kept telling myself that saving money was impossible . How were we EVER going to have enough money for a down payment?? **cue crying into pillow, falling asleep emotionally exhausted.
That night I had an extremely vivid dream; Using binoculars, I was looking out over a beautiful mountain landscape. The sun was setting, the colors were blue and pink and purple. And then I heard this clear message. It’s almost as if it went straight to my understanding, rather than hearing it spoken:
It’s on the horizon.
Immediately, while still dreaming, I associated that thought with buying a house. When I awoke, the clouds had parted and I felt hopeful.
For the next year I searched for a house… and a clearer meaning of what “it’s on the horizon” meant. But both eluded me.
Almost exactly one year later we had a meeting with a mortgage broker. We had a house in mind that I was very excited to make an offer on. It needed lots of updating, but I was in love and willing to make it work.
The meeting didn’t go as well as I had hoped. We needed a couple more points on our credit score to get a better lending rate. I barely made it out of the building before the tears came.
My husband went back to work and I drove to Wendy’s for lunch. I went through the drive thru and then sat in the parking lot to eat and cry in peace.
I kept thinking of my dream, praying out loud and asking what does it all mean!?!?! I yelled out, “I think I’m getting close to the horizon and then it just moves!”
Oh my gosh. The horizon moves. You never actually get to the horizon.
I was dumbfounded.
In that moment I also realized that by always looking to the horizon for the right house and when, also known as the “it will be better over there” syndrome, I was missing a lot of what was going on right in front of me. Now.
Like being happy.
In the Coaching world this is called “Failing ahead of time”. It can also apply to worry, sadness, or any other indulgent emotion that you are so afraid of feeling that instead of waiting for the terrible challenging thing to actually happen before you feel bad, you just go ahead and feel bad now. As if that will solve the problem.
But it never solves the problem, it actually creates the problem. Renting 3 homes in 8 years was really only a problem because I was making it a problem. The bankruptcy, the moving, the financially tight months were all manageable.
I didn’t have to skip and smile about it all the time. But I also didn’t have to weep and wail about it all the time either.
Hmmm. Now that I think about it, I didn’t do either of those things ALL the time. Probably about 50/50.
But I’ll save that post for next week.
P.S. In case you need reminding, life was meant to be hard. Challenges are inevitable; but when they happen we think something has gone terribly wrong. Guess what else? Life was meant to be joyful. But our minds tend toward the negative in order to protect us. So much of what we think is true and factual, actually isn’t. If you’ve been scared to try scheduling a Discovery Call with me, know that’s just your mind trying to protect you from something that isn’t actually scary. I promise, You will feel better in 45 minutes. Schedule here https://meredithgcoaching.as.me/.